Ok so it’s all hit me. O being back at work and me being on my own with Rory. Rory needing constant attention around the clock. Lack of sleep. Baby things everywhere – the apartment is messy. Not being able to eat anything as I  constantly have a baby in my arms or on my boobs. Rory not settling for anyone but me. Constantly dreading the intense pain of breastfeeding. The pain of breastfeeding. Did I mention how much I hate breastfeeding? I attended the breastfeeding clinic at the pediatricians and burst into tears when the lovely, motherly Carole asks how it’s all going. I return home and ring O in tears. I’m really not enjoying breastfeeding but feel guilty about giving up. It’s now been three weeks of nothing but pain but I feel like I can’t quit. He tells me that it has to be my decision but he’s happy with whichever choice I make. I skype mum in tears, who, as usual, is exactly who I need to talk to. It turns out Rory isn’t the only one who needs his mummy. “Enough is enough.” she says. I vow to ease off breastfeeding and make the move towards formula. I feel incredibly guilty and excited all at the same time. O reassures me that both him and I were formula babies and we’ve turned out just fine. Tomorrow is another day…



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